The Magic Cord of Love

Most of us have heard the expression "Out of sight, out of mind", but for children with reactive attachment disorders this statement is particularly true. Because these kids have problems with feeling connected to others, when they are separated from those that love them they feel no link. They feel alone and in need in of protecting themselves.

In therapy with my boys, we used a tool called the magic cord of love. This cord connects you with your loved ones no matter how far apart you may be. The cord is of course invisible, but exists none the less in the hearts of the connected. 

We talked a lot about the cord being able to stretch into the next room when they are just watching television or playing or as far as to our older son that lives in Austin, Texas. Being able to apply it to our other children helped the boys to understand better. We were able to tell them that it was like when son #3 was serving in Afghanistan and was across the ocean, he knew we all still loved him and we knew he loved us. We were still connected by that magic cord of love.

We let our boys imagine what their magic cord would look like: what color would it be, would it sparkle, change colors? T's cord would be blue he said and D decided his cord would be multi-colored and shimmer in the sun. These images were reinforced with EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). To help them remember, I braided friendship bracelets in the colors they had picked for their cord for each member of our family. That way they had a physical reminder of the cord whenever they were away from us.

While the cord doesn't contain any magical powers of healing in itself, it provides a great tool to help these kiddos remember that they are loved no matter where they are.