Hello again!
In this post I am including a link to the Randolph Attachment Order Questionaire. This describes a list of behaviors common to kids with reactive attachment. While some of them appear to be behaviors that most kids have at some point, RAD kids do them to an extreme. I have to say that between my two boys, we experience every single one of these behaviors except (thankfully) "My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to animals".
Over the past five years, the boy's behaviors have evolved and thankfully we don't experience some of the behaviors that we did at the beginning. I remember sitting with T during one of the first months; he would be sitting on the floor alternately screaming (literally) for me to put his pajamas on him (he was 7) and to "don't touch me" while slamming anything he could find on the floor. There was the time he deliberately urinated on the living room carpet and in a fit of anger kicked the windshield of my car and broke it and he was barefoot. I remember the first year that we found cheese slice wrappers hidden in the Christmas tree as we took it down and I still find food wrappers and sometimes food itself hidden in the oddest places, for example, the day I found a peanut butter and jelly sandwich under the bathroom sink or the opened jar of frosting hidden in the storeroom. Last, but certainly not least, are the death threats that are made. At first the "I'm going to kill you" doesn't seem too disconcerting when it comes from the mouth of an enraged 6 year-old and you are reassured by everyone that he is "just mimicking" what he's heard, but when you hear it from an enraged and disengaged from reality 12 year-old it holds a whole different meaning.
Our boys have spent the last 6 & 4 months respectively in a residential care facility an hour from our home. We made countless visits attending family therapy and having home visits with the boys. T has worked very hard and made great advances in his behavior. D did terrific there too even being a great role model for the other kids in his unit, but only because he was comfortable there. His problem lies with us, his parents, specifically. He was not faced daily with parents trying to form a bond with him and while he formed superficial bonds with staff, they are still only staff and easy to keep at a distance emotionally.
Both boys are transitioning home right now and my blog will cover how things are going. My husband and I have had time to rejuvenate over the summer, to refill our reserves, and to reconnect with each other. This time we are going back in with hearts full of hope and our eyes wide open with no illusions of what we are dealing with. Pray for us!
Talk to you next time!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
An Introduction to Reactive Attachment Disorder
This is my first blog post and I'm nervous. I am about to share my thoughts and feelings- both good and bad, with anyone that chooses to visit my blog. Five and a half years ago my family added two young brothers to our family. They were adopted from the state department of social services. It has been a long and not entirely enjoyable journey and will continue to be for years to come. But it is a journey that we have committed ourselves to, the same as hundreds of other families around the globe. I need to clarify up front that I am not a therapist, nor do I have any type of degree that would label me an expert. I am a parent, that is all, that is enough. This blog is for all of us. A place to find support and comfort, to be able to voice our frustrations without judgement, and a place where you can find other people that can truly understand your situation. Welcome.
A little background on my family: I have been married to my wonderful husband for 27 years. We have four adult children (3 boys, 1 girl) as well as the two younger boys. Our oldest son is 28, married and father of a set of adorable twins- 1 boy and 1 girl. Son #2 is 25, married, and lives in Austin, TX. Son #3 and our only daughter are 21-year-old twins. He is in the Marine Corps, just finished a tour in Afghanistan, and is stationed in Twenty-nine Palms, CA. Our daughter is a college student, full-time polysomnographic (sleep study) technician studying for her boards, and lives close to home. Our two youngest are biological brothers and are now 13 & 12 years old. Of course our family would not be complete without our two dogs, Hallie- a Boston terrier, and Chili- a miniature Dachshund (kudos to those of you that can figure out the reason for that name!). Quiet is never an adjective used to describe our home!
For those of you that do not understand what Reactive Attachment Disorder is or came looking for information, here is a short overview. The Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/reactive-attachment-disorder/DS00988) defines it as a "rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers". The most commonly associated cause of RAD is trauma, abuse, and neglect as an infant or young child. But there are many other situations that can interrupt the bonding process between infant and caregiver: premature birth, postpartum depression of mom after birth, early separation from mother, frequent changes in caregivers, severe illness or chronic pain (e.g., severe colic), caregivers that ignore the infant, and hospitalization or extensive medical procedures. This lack of bonding gives rise to a host of negative behaviors, which I will talk about in a later post. The Mayo Clinic states it is "rare", but I haven't seen one foster or older adoptive child that doesn't have some level of attachment issue caused by their past.
This is going to be my story, but I welcome your input, comments, and support. So often we as parents or family members, feel so alone. There is a wonderful video made by the Attachment and Trauma Network that helps describe our lives to others, take the time to listen, you will be enlightened. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JuIbWu6-Tg
Talk to you next time!
A little background on my family: I have been married to my wonderful husband for 27 years. We have four adult children (3 boys, 1 girl) as well as the two younger boys. Our oldest son is 28, married and father of a set of adorable twins- 1 boy and 1 girl. Son #2 is 25, married, and lives in Austin, TX. Son #3 and our only daughter are 21-year-old twins. He is in the Marine Corps, just finished a tour in Afghanistan, and is stationed in Twenty-nine Palms, CA. Our daughter is a college student, full-time polysomnographic (sleep study) technician studying for her boards, and lives close to home. Our two youngest are biological brothers and are now 13 & 12 years old. Of course our family would not be complete without our two dogs, Hallie- a Boston terrier, and Chili- a miniature Dachshund (kudos to those of you that can figure out the reason for that name!). Quiet is never an adjective used to describe our home!
For those of you that do not understand what Reactive Attachment Disorder is or came looking for information, here is a short overview. The Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/reactive-attachment-disorder/DS00988) defines it as a "rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers". The most commonly associated cause of RAD is trauma, abuse, and neglect as an infant or young child. But there are many other situations that can interrupt the bonding process between infant and caregiver: premature birth, postpartum depression of mom after birth, early separation from mother, frequent changes in caregivers, severe illness or chronic pain (e.g., severe colic), caregivers that ignore the infant, and hospitalization or extensive medical procedures. This lack of bonding gives rise to a host of negative behaviors, which I will talk about in a later post. The Mayo Clinic states it is "rare", but I haven't seen one foster or older adoptive child that doesn't have some level of attachment issue caused by their past.
This is going to be my story, but I welcome your input, comments, and support. So often we as parents or family members, feel so alone. There is a wonderful video made by the Attachment and Trauma Network that helps describe our lives to others, take the time to listen, you will be enlightened. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JuIbWu6-Tg
Talk to you next time!
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