Middle School Dance

T's First 7th-8th Grade Dance

T had his first 7th-8th grade dance this past Friday night. He was SO excited! The dance was at 7pm and he called me (from a friend's phone, they don't have cell phones yet) at 3:30 from school to tell me he needed me to get a dress shirt and tie for him to wear with his khakis. I assured him we could do that when he got home. The frenzy had begun!

First thing after he arrived home on the bus (we live in a rural area), he rushed in and headed straight for the bathroom to put on extra deodorant and brush his teeth. My daughter and I watched this deviation from normal routine with chuckles of amusement. 

Next he asked his sister if she would help him pick out a shirt and tie, which she did with great seriousness for his benefit! 

This is my T ready to go!

The drive to the school was hilarious! The boy could not sit still, checking his hair (he has a buzz!) and his tie, sitting sideways in the seat, and moving his hands constantly. He was full of smiles and I was pretty certain I would need to peel him off the roof of the car by the time we arrived. He even asked me if I knew where the school was!

We talked about girls. The ones he hoped he got to dance with as well as the ones he hoped he wouldn't. Our middle school has a policy that if someone asks you to dance, you must say "yes". 

I made sure to repeat my guidelines to him at least twice during that 20 minute ride:

• Have fun
• Treat the girls respectfully
• Don't let anyone talk you into something that you know is wrong

None of this is probably any different than what was occurring in the homes of the other students attending the dance. But my thought processes were different.

The Difference

The difference from other families would be the thoughts that were swirling in my mind. While other parents were thinking that their children were growing up way to fast, I was thinking about the future concerns that would arise during this transition from child to teenager.

My son was not raised in a family that emulated normal male/female relationships. Remember, he was 7 years old when we adopted him. His early experiences of relationships were of disrespect, violence, and inappropriate exposure to sex. Had he absorbed enough "normalcy" by living in our home for the last 5 1/2 years?

The questions I ask myself are not those of a parent who has an average teen. Will my child ever be able to form a lasting relationship? Will he understand the need to respect the girls he dates? Can he understand that sex should be about love and a lasting commitment? Will he be able to handle the "break-ups" or will the loss of the relationship trigger past hurts?

Only time will tell and along with continuous support from us and his therapist, we will help guide him through these tumultuous teenage years.

Sequel

T came home from the dance still flying high on excitement. He was a self-proclaimed "chick magnet"! He got to dance with the girl he most wanted to and also danced with the girl he really hadn't wanted to. In his words, "She's not really that bad."