Our Problem:
The boys have been back in our local school for 4 weeks now. Week one was fabulous! Oh, for the honeymoon days to last for the entirety of the years of academia! But, alas, one week is as good as we can get. Week two found T unable to accomplish his math work at school and feelings of being overwhelmed brought the all too familiar homework war to the homefront once again.
T can do better at homework if I, or someone, reads and details each question to him. Most of the time he does not even want to read the question for himself. I think it is even just the perception of it being easier/faster if someone else is helping. I know he hates the fact that it takes him a long time to complete his work and with that comes the realization that time spent outside becomes a rarer commodity. Halfway through week two, we had the first meltdown since the boys had returned home. Crying and screaming- a indescribable shrill scream making me envision the Irish banshees of lore, with a new scream each time I would attempt to talk to him. Accompanying this was a few punches to the sofa, which I understand is a coping skill they were taught in residential. So okay, deep breath as he beats up my furniture.
Finally, I stopped talking and let me tell you that is a major feat for me! And we sat in the living room in silence until calm ensued. After week two, I worked with the school and our great resource teacher and it was decided to take T out a reading workshop class and give him a study hall. Since he has been in study hall, he gets his work done almost everyday and the few days he has math to do, he is able to accomplish it without problem. My feelings are that it is less overwhelming to have homework only sporadically.
Effort vs. Ability
D on the other hand does his homework, but whether lack of ability or lack of motivation, achieves "F"s on his assignments. The teacher has encouraged the students to do their own work without parents checking the lesson. Then if they get less than 50%, they are able to do corrections for full credit. D is in an advanced math program and it is impossible to find out exactly what the truth is about the problem. He may not truly understand the higher level of math, but won't admit it due to pride. Or he just doesn't want to do the work because it's hard and takes time. Perhaps it is a combination of both.
Last week I spoke with the principal at the middle school and suggested putting D in the lower math class. Daily failing grades will continue to set him up for failure. Even if he is capable (he did struggle last year also), it not harm him to be in the lower class. Moving him will not decrease the amount of homework he will have, so he won't be skipping out of work. The most important thing to remember is that even though he is very smart, D is still a special needs student and it may not be the math itself causing problems for him, but the emotional baggage he carries.
The thing I am learning most is that following traditional rules for special needs students is just not always in their best interests. My children are not average, they are special. Thus they must be treated as such.
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